Note before reading: I started to write this as soon as I was diagnosed with Anorexia in February but never finished it so here is my progress over the past few months as well.
So as the title of this post suggests you guessed it… I have now been officially diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. When the doctor told me the news, I laughed, I didn’t think someone like me would ever be diagnosed with such a disorder, but then he started telling me the symptoms that I have, suggesting anorexia I began to realise I have a different perception of myself that I have never had before… I started noticing how little I would actually eat.
What made me initially go to my local GP was the fact that I had began feeling dizzy and eventually started fainting when too hot, too cold or just generally not eating meaning that my body didn’t have the support it needs to stay conscious. I believed that I was feeling this way possibly because of stress as previous GPs have blamed that being the reasoning in the past when I had dizzy spells, only now realising that when I am stressed I do not eat but yet I was the only one not noticing at the time. When I was studying for my A-Levels my friends were asking if I had eaten today or wanted any food from the canteen- I usually brought food with me with the intention of eating it yet I would rather spend my lunch in the library working than actually eating my lunch with friends. My best friend, Taylor, would always make sure I at least my sandwich (just because she wanted the crusts really), however, when she had to leave I had no one to really make me eat anymore so I slowly got used to not eating until my evening meal at home.
My reasoning for eating less started for the fact that I got bullied for my size, ever since I was young I was quite a bit bigger than the others in my year, this would always make me feel self-conscious of even taking my blazer off at school- it became my safety blanket no matter how hot! I would have a love hate relationship with physical education because I wanted to lose weight so it was a great opportunity because I was too young to go to the gym when my obsession with what I ate and how many calories I burnt everyday started. I would always try my best in sports because I loved them, I played football and lacrosse in school but was always judged for it because I was fat. Though being the fat and sweaty kid in class never bode well for popularity, I never many friends growing up, but then again I didn’t want the attention on me so I was fully okay with not being in the lunch area at break and instead sit in a class or again like in sixth form just live in the library or the drama studio.
When I left school in year eleven, that summer I was prepared to lose weight and wanted to before I started A-Levels as I was starting a new school and quite frankly I didn’t want to be the biggest person in the room, so the dieting started as well as going running everyday and doing an extensive workout to burn calories and tone my body. I did not realise that you need to replenish the muscles with good foods and proteins so that the muscles could build and before I knew it I was in hospital because of collapsing in my home.
Luckily, I have lots of support from my friends to help me keep eating and although I still struggle (which is still expected only 5 months later), I am the healthiest I have been in years due to this condition as it has made me realise that I do need the food and it needs to something I should enjoy, which we are working on. So this is a thank you to my friends who continue to support me in my new health journey to lose fat in a good way and to those who made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this moment of my life.
Hope you are all staying safe and staying healthy, if you need any help there are helplines out there that will be listed here:
UK Telephone Helpline: 01494 793223
Support by Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
UK Registered Charity No: 1070824
As always best wishes,
The Ophite Life xox